A Miracle

Contributed by Huhnkie Lee

There once was this friend of mine. 

5'10''. An Asian with a thick accent. A computer programmer in Alaska. Age 40. 40K a year after tax.

This man came to me one day and said,

“Today, I declare the candidacy for presidency in year 2020.”

 “I shall lead the nation with 20/20 vision.”



 “...Man, you ain't even American!”

 “I am. I was born here.”


 “Ithaca, New York.”

 “Then, what's with all this accent?”

 “Oh, it's from Korea.”

 “...You are a spy... Who sent you? Will you be the Kim Jung Un of America? Is that it, huh?”

 “Nah. I won't go that far.”

 “Then, what? What's all this nonsense?”

 “You must be really bored, man. Sitting in front of a computer all day in a windowless basement office. You must have gone out of your mind. I'm sorry.”

 “Ha ha ha ha ha. No need. I'm sane.”


 “Ha ha ha. No. I'm sane, safe and sound.”

 “Just enjoying my Alaskan chaga vodka on a fine spring Saturday morning at home alone.”

 “...At ... Man, ‘tis not even 9am yet.”

“So? I ain't driving. I'm at home. What's the problem?”

“Then how can you even think that? You? A computer programmer? To presidency of the United States? In what, less than two years?”

 “Come on. Two decades at least. Get a grip.”

 “That's not good enough.”


 “Nope, you look. Do you know what America needs for presidency?”

 “Someone with experience. Someone with credentials.”


 “Then what?”

 “A miracle.”

 “Excuse me?”

 “A faith. A belief. In miracles.”

 “What are you talking about?”

 “Look. Just look.”

 “A century ago, there once was two brothers.”


 “They thought they could fly. Like birds.”

 “Oh yeah?”

 “People thought they were crazy.”

 “Who were they?”

“Bicycle repairers.”

 “What are their names?”

 “Wright brothers.”


“There once was a man. One day, he came up with this zany idea. He said to people,

'I am going to fly a kite on a rainy stormy day, and I will harness the lightening in the sky into this glass bottle.”

 “...What? Who?”

 “Benjamin Franklin.”


 “There once was this man. He was in New York. He thought he could talk to a man in San Francisco.”

 “Oh, that's easy. Just grab a phone.”

 “It wasn't. He had to invent it.”


 “The very thing you take for granted today, was a deranged idea. Alexander Graham Bell. To the people of his day, it was an impossible thing!”

 “What's your point?”

 “We, the Americans, should get back to that. We must believe in miracles.”

 “So, is that why you should be the president in the year 2020?”



 “Hah. No.”

 “You're not gonna vote for me.”

 “Absolutely not.”

 “Why not? I thought you are a friend.”

 “I am. But I won't.”


 “I don't think you are qualified. What leadership experience do you have?”


 “See? Man. You ain't even married. You can't even get a date. You can't lead a woman. Then how can you possibly lead a nation? Think about it.”

“You are nothing but a daydreamer. A pathetic one. Your boredom drove ya to insanity.”

“Ha ha. Oh well.” 

“Man, just be a good friend and listen.”

“Okay, okay.”

“Don't get me wrong. I love Trump. I voted for him, I prayed for him. I almost cried when he got elected. It was a miracle.”

“No. It wasn't. He was a successful businessman. That's why people voted for him. There is no miracle, buddy.”

“Okay. But if I get elected in 2020, it would be a miracle.”

“Yes. That's exactly why it's not gonna.”

“Cuz you don't believe in miracles?”

“Yes. There is no miracle. Wake up. Stop dreaming.”

“Be that as it may.”

“...What are you doing?”

“Oh, just texting with a friend in South Africa.”


“My cellphone. Via internet. He just sent a picture there.”

“So you, a human being in Alaska, are talking to another human being half the globe away?”


“That's not a miracle?”


“But it once was.”

“Man, what are you getting at?”

“What's the best invention of this generation?”

“Oh. Glad you asked.”

“Gay marriage, transgender bathrooms, legalization of marijuana, tattoos and piercings.”

“Wow. What did your American ancestors invent to make America great?”

“Electricity by Edison and Tesla. Both AC and DC. The band AC/DC is also American.”

“Cameras. Motion pictures. Televisions. Computers. Internet. Airplanes. Cars Yeah, they are all American ingenuity.”

“That's past. Now?”

“Gay marriage. Transgender bathrooms. Legalized marijuana. Tattoos. Piercings.”

“So that's the best that this American generation can come up with?”


 “Shame on you, America.”

 “Now what?”

 “Okay. Are you ready for this?”

 “Sure. Shoot.”

 “Here we go.”

 “Gimme the presidency. Thank you.”