Contributed by Sarah Lapidus
There it was. On the ultrasound in front of her: a black mass the size of a golf ball in her right breast.
“This was concerning. Something was happening,” said Astrid Mueller, a recent Palmer transplant. She had traveled to Anchorage from Kodiak for a biopsy to figure out what the lumps in her breast and armpit were.
The results of the biopsy showed that she had stage four breast cancer.
Mueller, a graphic designer and business coach originally from Switzerland, rushed back to her home on Kodiak Island, and packed up her belongings with the help of community members.
She had to leave almost overnight and move to Anchorage for several months for treatments, in an effort to save her own life.
“That was insane, just giving up everything that quickly and finding a room to stay in a noisy city I didn’t care for, without friends, and the nature I was used to,” Mueller said.
It was a dark and difficult winter for her. Not only was she in a new place without her community to help her, but the side effects of chemo were difficult to navigate. She felt nauseous and weak, often finding it difficult to take care of herself.
But amidst this darkness and the challenges, she made a conscious decision to start taking care of herself, prioritizing self-care and self-love.
“I made it through that (winter) and I started taking care of myself in that way,” Mueller said. “I also became kinder to myself with my inner self-dialogue. Instead of beating myself up, I focused on what I could do, and started to choose things that would bring me joy.”
Joyful things were not just activities that brought her immediate, fleeting happiness, but rather, activities that would be good for her in the long term, like taking a walk in the sun (even when she didn’t feel like she had the energy,) or packing two heavy bags of feel-good items that she brought to chemo sessions.
Mueller recalled that the clinic she visited for her treatments was drab and uninspiring with “puke-colored” walls and harsh lighting. Every time she visited, her clinic surroundings made her feel sick and unhappy.
So one day, she decided to spruce up her surroundings during her treatment sessions. This eventually became a habitual occurrence.
Mueller dressed up “sparkly,” and brought headphones to listen to positive music, healing sounds and songs of meditation. She also brought lamps with better lighting and plants with her, as well as inspiring cards and books.
“That made me feel better, and I visualized all kinds of things to make it a good experience,” Mueller said.
Mueller noted that these little actions of self-love and joy began to add up. She felt more relaxed during treatments, which allowed her body to better heal itself.
The more she focused on self-love and joy— on those activities that brought her happiness— the more she realized that she could make it through even the hardest of challenges. She referred to this lifestyle as living with sparkle.
Her joy and “sparkle” was infectious and spread to the staff and patients around her
“When we sparkle, from the inside out, it’s contagious. All we have to do is give ourselves permission to sparkle,” she said.
These positive thoughts supported and relaxed her body, and positively impacted her healing. After her last set of treatments, her doctor said she was stunned that Mueller’s bloodwork kept improving even during the harsh chemo sessions.
In her doctor’s experience, for most patients, blood work tended to worsen during the harsher treatment sessions. Not for Mueller. In the words of her doctor, she walked away with the blood of a healthy person.
Since going through cancer treatment, she has discovered a deeper sense of purpose in her work: to share what she has learned, and to inspire others to create their own “joy sparkle lives!”
In April 2021, Mueller left Anchorage where she had lived temporarily for treatments, and moved to Palmer, after falling in love with the quaint little town.
“The small town was so cute, and had such a welcoming and warm community,” she said.
Mueller is a published author, a founder of two musical groups, and a design and consulting business owner. She also conducts creativity empowerment workshops.
One of her bands, “A Sparkling Surprise” will perform their first gig at Palmer’s Friday Fling, Palmer's premier outdoor farmers market on May 20 from 4 p.m. to 6 p.m.
Mueller also has a fun, virtual event coming up: A dress-up SPARKLE PARTY, a three-day workshop event to help people achieve their dream lives. Palmer’s boutique “The Cobb Street Market” is participating as a sponsor. Mention SPARKLE and get 20% off on all things that sparkle, until the end of the month!
