Contributed by Gene Kelly
When tranquility is challenged by tumultuous times, it is constructive to focus on positive developments in society, inspiring and encouraging people. Much has been done in the recent past to fix attention on the need to save polar bears. Happily, that effort in bio and cultural diversity has been successful. A multitude of photographs prove that polar bears have assimilated into urban culture and achieved literacy, given their proclivity for advertising while carrying signs.
It remains to be determined if polar bear success is due to their white privilege, obvious given the contrasting lack of attention for black bears. Historical awareness should be heightened beyond closing ozone holes, and swimming opportunities for all bears, regardless of their color. It is time to focus on cultural shifts that include social justice issues. Anthropology makes it clear that all cultures change constantly everywhere on the planet. There never has been a static, stagnant culture except perhaps amongst swamp creatures. Likewise environments change constantly, or else variety would not be the spice of life.
So, it is that now is the time to consider applying the lessons from saving the polar bear to saving Groovy Man. When was the last time you heard or saw a clearly recognizable Groovy Man, attired in bell bottoms on the street or wandering lost in the woods trying to find a pot garden? Cro-Magnon Man went into extinction as did Neanderthal, making for less diversity to celebrate. If success has been realized forestalling the extinction of polar bears, isn’t it time to address the moral challenge of our day, and stop the deplorable fate of Groovy Man extinction?
There are markers in time in history, archeology, geology, anthropology and geezerology that can be applied in answering these questions. The Age of Groovy preceded the Age of She, given that it was always Groovy Man and never Groovy Woman at the peak of the Age of Groovy. So did the Age of She eclipse awareness of groovy, with all the attention shifted to She Study Departments at universities? Has the fixation on she imperiled Groovy Man?
Is it time to recognize and task the remaining Groovy Men with starting Groovy Studies Departments within liberal arts? If She Studies are an established discipline, shouldn’t space be made for their predecessor in time, He Studies? Courage is required if the risk in raising the subject is a sentence of hemlock like Socrates.
The principle of breadth in education, implemented during the Italian Renaissance, should be applied to an inclusion of Groovy Man. Why should Groovy Man end out of sight, residing in British yellow submarines, on tambourine tapping pilgrimages to bathe in the Ganges River? Equal time and consideration on the issue is past due recognition as a social justice issue.
In the inception of the Age of Groovy, hula-hoops were a pivotal cultural identifier. Early Groovy Man so vigorously swiveled his hips that he became hippie, tipped over, bonked his head on sidewalks and dislocated his hip. That is when One-Eyed, One-Horned, Flying Purple People Eaters, portrayed as gargoyles in Gothic architecture, had a major impact on Groovy Man’s collective, brain-damaged skullture. It gave rise to the theory that zombies are direct descendants of hippies, due to their mutual preoccupation with the Grateful Dead as dead heads. Perhaps that brain damage explains difficulties in draining swamps. Trust the Irish to connect the dots.
One of the main impediments to a renaissance of the Age of Groovy Man is the current disavowal of plastic in hula-hoops, given that it is petro-chemical in origin. Diversity is yet to be fully appreciated in chemistry. It will be a pressing concern for cultural diversity if Groovy Man cannot replicate and celebrate his cultural origins in hip expressionism. What a tragedy if Groovy Man goes extinct as a sub-genre of geezerolgy! It will exceed the tragedies of Mt. Vesuvius burying Pompeii or the burning of the library in Alexandria, minus overdue books.
If the concepts that saved the polar bear can be applied in time, Groovy Man may continue contributing to cultural diversity, and lessen the wear on scissors and razors in barber shops. The eminent demise of Groovy Man is directly caused by the settled delusion that he is no longer cool, due to global warming tipping points. Will the next ice age revive the fortunes of cool, Groovy Man?
It is an urgent issue that Groovy Man Studies become a major in liberal arts departments. Otherwise diversity will suffer an enormous, irrecoverable setback. In conclusion, lessons can be learned and applied from the unfortunate extinction of Cro-Magnon and Neanderthal man, due to feminine exclusion and the carbon fired Industrial Revolution.
Postscript: The author is a leading expert within the disciplines of geezerology and kracpotology. He lectures frequently on the careers of W. C. Fields, Laurel and Hardy, and Larry, Moe and Curly; especially taking into consideration the need of youth to absorb progressions in cultural history, minus rotten vegetables thrown at them. His acting roles have included the lead gorilla in Planet of The Apes.