Contributed by Alys Culhane
If Goats Could Fly
3/24/2017 – 4PM
Alys Culhane, Betty Pierce
550 S Alaska St, Palmer
On March 24th at 4pm, there will be a reception/poetry reading/art exhibit in the banquet room of Turkey Red Restaurant. Local poet Alys Culhane and artist Betty Pierce are organizing “If Goats Could Fly.” The poetry reading/reception is free, and open to the public. Sutton Poet, Laurate Bill Schmidtkunz, will introduce Alys and Betty and read his goat poem.
The catalyst for the poetry reading/art exhibit came about in early February, when Rover, Alys’s Alpine-Toggenburg cross goat became ill. Alys and her husband, Pete, moved him into the kitchen addition. Alys began writing poems about him and her other two goats, named Peaches and Ranger. And Betty began doing alcohol ink paintings.
Two weeks later the pair decided to host an exhibit. Turkey Red owner, Alex Papasavas, agreed to allow them to use the banquet room.
Alys kept writing. Betty kept painting. Goat stories continued to surface, like the one about the goat that walked into a Seven-Eleven and began eating Skittles. And the one about the goat that started to stalk its owner. And the one about the goat that really did eat his owner’s homework.
A sample poem follows:
It’s a variation on a timeworn theme -
Student tells teacher that a goat ate his homework.
Suspending disbelief sets into motion
A series of events in which the teacher
Must bring the nature of truth
And the truth about nature into question.
Canines, not caprines eat homework.
Dogs have direct access to papers,
With the titles being a mouthful.
Write a twenty-page paper.
Chose one of the following:
“The Fertile Crescent: Where the Nile and Euphrates Rivers Meet,”
“The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire,”
Or “Decoding the Rosetta Stone.”
Dogs also have a single stomach
While the goat has four,
All of which work individually
And in concert with one another.
The rumen breaks down roughage.
The reticulum aids the rumen in fermentation.
The omasum removes water from food particles.
The abomasum digests what remains.
The teacher makes the call
And punishment is doled out like puppy chow.
O the board, a thousand times,
The student writes in cursive:
A dog ate my homework.
Back home, dog digests kibbles,
Goat regurgitates, swallows, ponders
The early history of civilization.